Danny West, freelance trainer, coach, mentor and leadership consultant, talks about the nature of influence and the unique skills of people living with disabilities, based on his own experiences.
Introduction
I have been thinking about writing
an article for some time about disabled people’s ability to influence and as I
down loaded my emails this morning came across an article entitled ‘What makes
a Disabled Person Influential’ by John Pring.
At this point I thought to myself
well there’s no point in writing another article about influence as it’s
already been done. As John implies in his article there is always a point, you
always have choice; you could choose to do it better or choose to focus on one
aspect or a different aspect of the issue; there are innumerable ways in which
we can choose to be influential. It does not matter whether we choose to become
the head of a disability charity or a member of parliament or whether we decide
to educate those around us or write letters of protest to our local councillors
or members of parliament; each and every one of us has the ability to utilise
our power of influence for our own lives and each other’s futures.
Many of
us may not see total equality in our lifetimes but the stage is set for us to
contribute in many ways, we are all capable of contributing and of leaving our
own personal legacies which will inspire and affect positive change into the
future.
In this article I am going to write about my own experience, I am going
to explore the very nature of influence and talk about the unique skills of
people living with disabilities. I will also explore how we can make the
choices to sustain an environment in our own lives which empowers us to be
influential and offer a number of ideas and tools which I use in my everyday
life; they are the tools that give me the energy to keep going.
Who am I?
I am a professional coach and leadership trainer and consultant working
in partnership with disabled people across the sectors; I have been living with
HIV for the past 28 years and now live in chronic pain associated with a
degenerative spinal condition. Each day I am able to predict the likely
challenges ahead of me and I typically allocate some time at the beginning of
the day (usually with a cup of tea in bed) to thinking about and strategizing
about how I am going to overcome those barriers. If you want to know anything
else about me then please refer to my website www.danny.west.co.uk, Goggle me or email me at danny.west944@btinternet.com
I don’t know about you but there are mornings when I wake up and think
about the potential challenges which I am likely to encounter in the day ahead
and wonder where I am going to find the inner resources and energy to overcome
them; I am also prone to playing the role of victim and to periods of time when
I feel helpless and sorry for myself; ring any bells?. I am dyslexic, I’m not
an academic and writing this article has meant that I have had to overcome many
internal limiting beliefs about myself and my ability to write and to
contribute.
A Recent Personal Story
Over the past six months I have experienced an extremely distressing and
often frightening chapter in my own life; my health has deteriorated and I now
live in constant physical pain. In addition I like many other self-employed or
unemployed disabled people am faced with the many challenges associated with
the current recession and experience increasing anxiety levels about the
current government reforms and the effects of those reforms on my own security
and wellbeing for the future. I have also recently been threatened with the
real possibility of becoming homeless; I live in an inaccessible very large and
cold three bedroom council property in the London Borough of Lewisham and have
been actively trying to get re-housed into a one bedroom property through the
new Boris Johnson initiative ‘Housing Moves Scheme’ www.housingmoves.org.
I recently accepted an offer on a smaller two bedroom property in the
London Borough of Islington and formally ended my tenancy with Lewisham. Having
made all the necessary moving arrangements which included rehoming my dog and
ending the lease on my Motability car I discovered the day before my scheduled
move that my new flat was sited in a small council estate that was besieged
with anti-social behaviour, drug dealing, noise nuisance and police
activity. I was horrified as you can
imagine, the prospect of living in this environment would have a disastrous
effect on my health and wellbeing and I instinctively knew that moving into
this property was NOT an option.
I returned home to my flat in Lewisham which was now completely packed
into packing cases, the furniture was dismantled and I had cancelled my
utilities etc. and was in a state of panic, extreme anxiety and exhaustion. I
could not comprehend how I was going to find the energy to deal with my
circumstances but I remembered that I had a choice; I could no nothing and
become homeless or decide to act.
I decided on the later and then spent that evening hobbling around my
flat with a large gin and tonic assessing my position, all my associated
options and considering how I might best react to my situation and influence my
desired outcome of remaining in my current home.
The next morning and in the context of my increasingly frustrating
situation and based on my personal belief that members of parliament are primarily
elected to represent their constituents decided that I would not be powerless
and contacted my local member of parliament ‘Joan Ruddock’. I shared my
experiences and my housing dilemma with her case worker and as a result they have
supported me throughout this challenging time and have been proactive in their
support of me and my hopes for a positive outcome to be re-homed in the future
into an accessible property.
I also contacted my local Mayor’s office who were not so helpful and I
sourced some support from local and national disabled people’s organisations. I
wrote letters, contacted my GP and consultant who provided me letters of
support and galvanised the support of a handful of friends and colleagues to
help me through the experience. I forwarded every email for the Mayors and MP’s
office to Islington Council and Lewisham Homes.
I cancelled my scheduled move and the removal company, I informed
Islington Council that I was not prepared to move into the property on the
basis that I had been misinformed and reassured that there were no anti-social
issues and made an appointment to cancel my very short term tenancy and begin
proceedings to have my rent refunded.
I contacted Lewisham Homes to inform them of my new circumstances; thankfully
I was informed by Lewisham Homes that it was my legal right to change my mind
within 28 days, I reinstated my current tenancy and continue to remain in my
current inaccessible home and I continue to seek accessible accommodation.
What is Influence and how do we
do it?
Influence is defined in the Oxford
Dictionary as being the ability to affect another person or thing, more
eloquently it goes on to describe influence as having moral ascendency or
power; which is where we come in.
Why Influence Now?
The disability debate is never ending and is ours to shape, we have the
ability to influence our futures and determine societies view and treatment of
us into the future. Historically we have been killed, tortured, locked up,
medicated, patronised, stigmatised and discriminated against on an
unprecedented scale and yet we have succeeded in surviving and in demonstrating
to society that we are completely able to succeed, achieve and contribute.
Disabled people and the issues related to the lives of disabled people
have never had such a high profile; we are currently feeling under threat as
the recession and the government’s plans to reform the benefits system serves
to undermine our financial security, our homes and our public services. The
2012 Paralympics raised awareness in an unprecedented way but if we fail to
maintain our profile and do not work to ensure that our voices continue to be
heard then disability will fall from society’s agenda and we will become
powerless to ascertain our rights in a future landscape of recession, inequality
and injustice.
Whilst it is true that there are a small percentage of people who will
take advantage of the system the current reforms serve to perpetuate the idea
that we need to further justify our disability and ill health related needs. We
have a human and diverse right to a decent income, homes, public services,
health services, family life and access to employment and education; we can
choose to demand these rights and to participate in the processes that will
ensure that we experience these rights as an actualised reality.
I know from my networks that many of my disabled friends and colleagues
are worried about the future, about how they are going to be affected by the
benefit reforms and about they are going to keep a roof over their heads. In
the current climate it is essential that we pull together and work
interdependently to raise the issues that affect us into the future, we can all
participate and we will need to support and influence our own individual
wellbeing in the challenging times ahead.
Choices & Reactions
I have come to the conclusion that it is all about choices and reaction;
we all have the ability to make choices at any given time in any given
circumstance; it all depends on how we choose to react. If we choose to simply
react in the moment or if we are feeling angry or frustrated without
considering our options and without keeping our goal or desired outcome in mind
we are likely to create more barriers for ourselves and those who we are trying
to influence who will simply react to our unconsidered reactive behaviour or
communication.
Here are some examples of our choices:
- Feel sorry for
yourself
- Blame others e.g.,
friends, family, the system, the government etc.
- Play the role of
helpless victim – poor me, if only, I can’t, but I’m disabled!
- Buy into societies
limiting beliefs about us – I couldn’t do that I’m disabled, disabled people
can’t do things like that, who’s going to listen to me I’m disabled etc.
- Do nothing and ride
out the consequences
If you are prone to any of the above I strongly recommend that you read
a favourite book of mine by a guy called Paul McGee entitled S.U.M.O; it’s an
easy, illuminating and fun read and I guarantee that a quick fix from this book
will pick you up and empower you forward.
Or we could decide to take another course of action which includes any
of the actions outlined in John Ping’s article and draw upon or advantages and
take a proactive considered stance, be empowered and decide to take leadership
in our lives and circumstances.
Reaction Tip: Don’t just react,
stop think and consider. Ask yourself –
- What outcome do you want?
- What are all the different options available to you?
- Which of these options is going to be received favourably and is likely
to have the potential to achieve your desired outcome or goal?
Resourcefulness, Resilience & Determination
I firmly believe that as a direct result of living with, growing with or
acquiring a disability that people who are living with disabilities have
developed and honed a range of skills that non-disabled people do not utilise
to their potential.
The experience of being disabled in our society has meant that we have
become extremely resilient, we are more determined, we are creative and
resourceful and we are driven by a need to survive, achieve and challenge the
status quo and the limits imposed upon us by society and the medical and
charitable models of disability.
We have
an advantage over non-disabled people because we have learnt to survive; at
some point we made a choice to survive and to live our lives in the face of
adversity.
Definitions
available describe resourcefulness, resilience and determination as follows:
Resourcefulness –
pertaining to a stock or supply that can be drawn upon and one’s own abilities
and ingenuity; resourcefulness is described as the ability to act
effectively or imaginatively and with initiative especially in difficult and
challenging situations. Remember there are innumerable sources of inner and
external resources available to us if we choose to utilise them. Resources may
also come in the form of people, friends, organisations, people, educational
opportunities, networks, disabled peoples organisations, books, articles,
conferences, events and the list goes on……
Resilience –
pertaining to recoiling, buoyancy, springing back and the ability to recover from
setbacks, illness, change, or misfortune.
Determination - pertaining to firmness of purpose and
resoluteness or bloody mindedness.
Take some time to
think about your own journey, do not underestimate exactly what it has taken to
get you this far, if you were not rich in the above attributes who would not be
here today, you would not have survived. You have spent your entire life
fighting to survive, you have come up with a million ways to overcome the
barriers associated with your disability, you have kept going and have been
determined to attain the life that you may have now or want in the future. Your
disability has tested you, it has demanded the very best of you and as a result
you have honed and polished your ability to be resourceful, resilient and
determined.
Our Wellbeing
We could choose to take care of ourselves; and for many of us it is
essentially important that we ensure that we sustain a well-balanced life
style, a supportive environment, positive supportive networks and relationships
that will enable you to have a fulfilling and rewarding and a well-balanced
nurturing lifestyle which is health and disability context affirming.
Taking care of our wellbeing will mean different things to each of us
and take different forms, the better shape we are in the more likely we are to
have the energy to be empowered and be influential. For me wellbeing is all
about eating well, sleeping well, managing my pain and stress, practicing a
little mindfulness and having the time to balance my solitude and work
life/play balance. It is also essentially about being connected to and
maintaining my networks with friends, family and my colleagues and disabled
peoples networks.
Networking
Nobody said you had to do this alone; we are not alone because there are
10million people living with disabilities in the UK today, there are innumerable
disabled people’s organisations and networks and we all have access to social media
based networks and their associated opportunities. It’s easy to be the victim or helpless when
you are alone, isolation is a killer and it will weaken your spirit.
Generating, building and sustaining co-supportive based relationships
are an investment for you and your ability to succeed, when you have addressed
the following questions, identify the actions that you will take to address and
build your networks:
- Who are the key people, organisations and players in your
networks?
- Who have you met in the past that you want to build a
supportive and affirming relationship with?
- Are there any people in your networks that hold limiting
beliefs about you and hold you back?
- Where are your key sources of support placed?
- Where is there an imbalance in your support networks?
- Are there any specific relationships that need to be
developed?
Addressing Limiting
Beliefs
Limiting beliefs are defined by society and as a result
they are beliefs which we may hold about ourselves; these beliefs will hold you
back from achieving your true potential; human potential is limitless. It is
never too late to learn a new skill or improve an area of your life. Limiting beliefs are usually formed
as we grow and are socialised, if you are living with a disability then you
will have been told or it would have been signalled to you that you can’t, that
you are not able, that you don’t have the confidence etc. When you encounter a
limiting belief ask yourself the following questions as a way of challenging
your belief:
- When did you agree to this negative
idea or limited view of yourself?
- What would be the most
challenging action that you could take when you encounter this belief?
- If you were to stop listening
and believing in the negative and limiting views of others what would you
do?
- What would it take for you to
feel good enough or capable enough?
- When did you agree that
disabled people like yourself were not able, capable of confident enough
to be empowered?
- What would it take for you to
value your progress and plan a new strategy?
Advocating
We could
choose to continue to educate and campaign for our human and equal rights; this
is our birth right, we live in an ever increasing diverse world. The Equality
and Diversity debate is high on the agenda of governments and societies
throughout the world. We have a voice; we just have to ensure that our voices
are heard.
We can
also choose to continue to and increase our profiles within our local, national
and international communities. We could challenge stereotypical role models and
have the courage and integrity to demonstrate positive role models in sport, at
home, at work and in every aspect of our lives. We could take leadership not
just in the context of our activities within disabled people’s organizations
but also in terms of all of the very different things that we can do, the very
different people that we are and in the context of the many different roles
that we occupy.
We are able to be equal contributing members of society and we could choose to
promote ourselves at every opportunity and take leadership not just in terms of
the disability agenda but in terms of enabling and influencing change in
society.
In the context of The Social Model
of Disability we could choose to continue to have responsibility to enable
society to fully comprehend our experience of disability and the barriers
associated with everyday living, we manage our everyday living as do
non-disabled people and yet we do this in spite of our disability, our ill
health, our physical pain, stigma, discrimination, prejudice and a lack of
opportunity.
GROW Model
I personally use the GROW model when I identify my own long and short
term goals, usually I spend a little time at the beginning of the day
considering what it is that I aim to achieve during that day and deciding on a
strategy to achieve my outcomes; the GROW model grew out of best coaching
practice.
The GROW model is used within coaching to give a framework to
identifying your goals which will enable you to move from a place where you
have identified a goal to a place where you are able to identify actions
towards achieving your goals. You can coach yourself and apply the GROW model
to your everyday living.
G = Goal:
This is the area of the model that enables you to determine what you
want to achieve, goals or outcomes, remember to be specific.
- What is it that you would like
to achieve today?
- What is it that you want to
influence in your own life and in the wider world and our community?
- What will your world look like
when you have achieved your short and long term goals?
R = Reality &
Resources:
This is the area of the model in which you are able to explore your current
situation, past experiences and successes, identify potential barriers and
explore any explore limiting self-beliefs (see below).
- Why is this issue important to
you?
- What have you done so far
towards achieving your goals and desired outcomes?
- How is this issue relevant to
your overall current life?
- What might prevent you from
moving forward/barriers?
- What are all the different
resources available to you?
O = Options.
This is the area of the model that enables you to identify all your potential
actions, possibilities, ideas and thoughts that may contribute to your goal or
outcome being achieved.
- What are all the different ways
of accomplishing your goal or desired outcome?
- What could you do?
- What are all the different ways
of getting there?
- Are there any potential sources
of support?
- If there were no barriers, what
would you do?
- What ideas might you share with
a friend if they were planning to take a similar path?
W = Will Do.
This is the area of the model in which you can make decisions about the
ACTIONS and STEPS that you are committing yourself to taking.
- What is your next step?
- If you knew that you could not
fail, what action would you take?
- When are you going to take
action (give it a time frame)?
- How will you overcome that
particular barrier?
- Describe how your actions will
move you closer to your goal?
Conclusions
Influencing starts with yourself and your own attitude towards your
current situation, your circumstances and your belief systems in yourself, you
are the most important person in your world. If you are able to get your own
life right and shape your world into the life that you desire then you are much
more likely to influence others and the world around you and you are much more
likely to have the energy to keep going in the face of adversity and the
challenges of everyday life. Remember you don’t have to do it all alone, there
a lot of us out there.
There will inevitably be times when you need to have some down time or
time to feel low this is what Paul McGee in his book S.U.M.O. describes as
‘Hippo Time’.
Remember – Stop,
think, be resourceful, strategize and then get on with the job of considered
reaction, influencing and changing the things that matter……
Resources &
References
Articles - Author - John Pring – ‘What Makes an Influential
Disabled person?’ Disability News Service - 21.4.2013
Books – Author – Paul McGee - S.U.M.O,
Published by Capstone Publishing Ltd, 2006
Danny West